We are currently working on our online profile for our adoption, and as part of that, we have to fill out a rather run-of-the-mill questionnaire meant to help our prospective birth mother "get to know" us. In case you were wondering, it's really hard to sum yourself up in a few lines in response to the question "A smell that makes me pause is." Patrick said that the wafting aroma of honeysuckle transports him, à la Ratatouille, to the memory-drenched pavement of his Northern California mission where, presumably, the gentle scent of honeysuckle was one of the highlights of interminable days otherwise monopolized by a film loop of bike riding and door knocking. I, regrettably, have not settled on a smell that makes me pause; sadly, the only olfactory impressions I can bring to mind are, to put it gently, less appropriate for that particular forum.
I tend to be somewhat overly concerned about exercises like this one. I want to say just the right thing; I've always liked having the correct answer, giving my [teacher/coach/friend/husband] a reason to think I'm smart and on top of things. I don't even really like to do Facebook quizzes or status updates because the pressure to be hip and sparkling is just a little too much for me.
Of course, this particular aperçu also has the added pressure of trying to be charming and appealing while simultaneously making me seem like a good-time disciplinarian who will provide your child with the idyllic existence that you [birth mother], for whatever reason, don't think you can. And do you [blog reader] have any idea how difficult it is to be airily witty next to Patrick? Seriously, folks...do you? I know, I know...I'm the intelligent one, he's the funny one. But everyone likes the class clown more than the nerd.
The other, shall we say, hindrance I've run in to is that my tastes in entertainment tend toward the somewhat embarrassing or unmentionable. No, I don't mean porn or anything, but my favorite book is a novel called The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. It is a brilliant, stunningly crafted book (if I could write any book, this would undoubtedly be it) and has won a gaggle of awards. It is not a favorite book to be embarrassed of. But really -- should you ever put the word "assassin" on a page encouraging a birth mother to entrust their unborn child to you? So do I make up a favorite book? Go for one of my lesser favorites? Tell me truly, dear readers...do I just choke back the rising bile and put down Twilight?
And what about Buffy the Vampire Slayer? If you know me even a little, you know that once, long ago, Amberly got me hooked on this little gem, and it has been my favorite television program ever since. I usually rewatch the entire series (which I have on DVD) every other year or so. Is that too much to ask of a birth mother? On a side note, if I love Buffy so much, do I really have any right to dislike Twilight so?* I suppose I could just write down what show I'm watching right now, but that's Big Love, and, somehow, I don't think that will go over too well with the particular crowd to whom I am pitching myself.
Certainly you can understand my conundrum. Please, dear readers, enlighten me. If your house was burning down and you could only rescue three things, what would they be? I'm afraid I might rescue my dog, my photos, and my Buffy DVDs.
~L
*If you said no, then I think you need to rewatch Buffy. And then reread Twilight. One of these cultural artifacts is clever, joyous, and "zeitgeisty." One of them is corpulent, bombastic, and, weirdly, also "zeitgeisty." Just because they both have vampires does not mean they are playing ball in even the same state, let alone the same field.
**Also, is anyone out there watching True Blood? Should I? I do like vampires, after all.
***Okay, last note, I promise. Did anyone catch the premiere of Dollhouse? I'm feeling a little conflicted. In one column, it's Joss, and I would do just about anything to get inside another Whedonverse. In the other, it's Faith being different people every week. It just feels wrong. She's a slayer. She'll always be a slayer. I eagerly await your opinions (I'm looking your way, Josh).
11 comments:
I didn't think I could love you more. And then you used the word "aperçu." Can I be your birth mother?
Linds, who you really are is what will be loved and chosen. Remember that this is YOUR baby coming to you in a slightly different way but your baby nonetheless. Certainly the spirit of your baby will fit with you and certainly the birth mom will feel it too.
And for what it's worth, I don't think that saying you like Twilight would be a help to you. At all. The very word Twilight angers me. When I mention that I like to read the most common question I get is, "Oh, you like to read? Have you read Twilight?" At which point my head starts spinning.
First of all, I don’t even know you, but I love you. And that’s exactly how your birth mother will feel when she reads about you. As far as smells go (again I only know you as Patrick’s gorgeous wife whom I blog-stalk) but I will never forget that end of summer post you did. It was one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. So when I think of you – I think of the ending of a perfect summer’s day. You have the most lovely spirit that seems to seep through pages and computers. Trust me. They may not know you, but they will love you.
As a mom to two of the-most-perfect-children-in-the-world-who- happen-to- be-adopted, I understand fully what is at stake when writing a profile and all the crazy feelings of inadequacy that can come up. But don’t worry about Big Love or the Assassin. I think they make you tangible perfection. I think the birth moms will love it. I know we don’t know each other and you have probably got advice from everyone and their small pony, but if you ever want to talk about birth mother letters or what to say at the hospital etc. etc. feel free to call me. All my love! I am excited for you. This is the beginning of one life’s most beautiful adventures.
P.S. So sorry I wrote a small novel.
L - Don't over think it. You may not realize this but you are every bit as funny and charming and lovely as your husband. And I think any prospective birth mother can see the lovely yin and yang that is P & L.
No Buffy and Twilight aren't in the same realm. But I still like Twilight, because it made millions of kids read. But it did hurt my feeling a little bit when I overheard an adult say "Well, I finished Twilight, so now I don't know WHAT I will read!" as though you have finished the cannon of great literature.
Dollhouse...the jury is still out for me to. I love the idea. I like Faith, and I like Helo but we will have to see. Trust in Joss. He had some misfires with Buffy too at the beginning, but it found its stride.
And PS. Not only do I not know what aprecu means, I don't know how to make my computer type a circumflex (is that what it is called?) so you won't be seeing that in my blog anytime soon
PPS. Did you read The Terror? Maybe you should put that as your favorite book.
Never be ashamed of Buffy (well, except for those sometimes embarrassing demon-themed episodes that must never be introduced to a novice Buffy watcher until they have fully come to appreciate the quirkiness of the series altoghether). I would love to sit and chat about our favorite episodes and I'm sure there is more than one birth mother out there who would too. And I believe that liking things that may be a little outside the norm makes you distinct and interesting. Plus, you can always count on Patrick to crack some sort of inappropriate joke to diffuse any situation, right?
I think you two are the perfect choice just the way you are, oddities and all.
With regard to True Blood, I tried it for a minute and I just couldn't make it likable and I only tolerate Twilight and its annoyances because I am really wishing they would just make a Buffy movie.
Speaking of favorite episodes, remember when Buffy and Faith switched bodies and they were both brilliant at playing eachother? This is the reason I am giving "Dollhouse" a chance (except when it is freakin pre-empted for a "say goodbye to Larry Miller" special).
Wow, now that I've actually typed this, I seem like so some sort of crazed Buffy fan who can't let go. Well, hopefully it will just make me seem distinct and interesting. If not, at least my favorite book is kinda normal and boring (To Kill a Mockingbird).
So I must ask the horrifying question...HAVE you read Twilight?
My favorite book of ALL TIME is Where the Red Fern Grows. Simple, classic, full of real love and even a little heartbreak. That describes my usual literary choice...
However...after all the time Twilight as been out and all the RIDICULOUS hype that the series has gotten, I let my mother and sisters convince me to read them recently. As a matter of fact, I finished book 4 at 2am this morning...(do you think less of me now?????)
I bought the first book just to see how it goes and I ended up reading all of them in just less than a week. Now, I am left with heartache and desire for a made up vampire hunk.
Anyhow, the real subject, and I hope my previous paragraphs don't entirely discredit what I'm about to say...we all know that Patrick is quite fun. But how could there be a perfect balance without your serious smarts? Don't get me wrong, you're every bit as fun and enjoyable as Patch, but you two are also quite different.
Be yourself, not just what you think someone else would want you to be. The right pregnant girl will come along and will want to know you for exactly what you are. I think we both know that in this particular case, there is a higher power involved in who is being chosen that I think will help to take a little pressure of your profile. You'll both be perfect for whatever is planned for you. I know that doesn't save the day, but hopefully it can ease the pressure a tad!
We love you both and are very excited for you!
Oh, Eric. You'll always be my birth mother.
I can't believe I have not yet responded to this post that completely blew me out of the water with its diction, style, voice, etc. etc. and now I am really waiting for your book.
Plus, the content was great. I'm with the others. I'd much rather have my child parented by a real person than a droid. Luckily you two have an overflow of everything that counts.
Have you read Alias Grace by Atwood? I loved that one. I really need to pick up Blind Assassin. Also, I think you're one of the wittiest people I have ever met. I'm sure your awesomeness will shine through.
Hey Lindsay,
I didn't know you had a blog, that's great! Congrats on the adopting thing, that's amazing; I know Jenn Garcia is going through the process again to get a sibling for Kayla.
You've probably gotten a bunch of advice from everyone, so I guess I'll put my two-cents in; just be yourself.
If I were a birth mom looking into you, and I were to read your blog alone, I would love you for my baby.
The way you write is so eloquent. It says your educated, you've been places, you have a loving and supportive hubby, it brings out your personality, your down-to-earth sweet disposition, and your likes and dislikes. (That's all to say the least) So while taking these 'personality tests' for the adoption process, just be yourself; you're baby will come to you.
Congrats again! See ya.
~Mery
First time commenter, long time reader..
First of all, you guys just being you guys would be enough for anyone to want to give their kids to you. I've contemplated sending Matt out to NY but I'm afraid he'd get a taste of what great parents are like and resent me the rest of his life. So I'm working on getting a lot of girls pregnant and leaving Patch's phone number at the scene. I figure one in fifty has to call, right? We'll see how that works out.
On another, more embarrassing topic, I'm going to use your blog as a forum to admit my guilty pleasure: True Blood. You asked and I didn't see anyone respond about it so here I am. I don't know how it would compare to Buffy or Twilight, as I've not seen either. But I haven't missed an episode. You should probably take the fact that nobody has referenced it as the only referral you need. For my money, if nothing else it's entertaining. It's a little trashy, but pretty good. So there you have it. Please do your best to refrain from picturing me sitting alone in my room and watching a vampire show. Or audibly cursing if my DVR didn't record it. I'm embarrassed enough about it.
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